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Archive for September 2009

你在小孩子面前争吵,你也要在小孩子面前和好。小孩子长大后,他不会怕去面对冲突。他会解决这个冲突。他不会变成唯唯诺诺的人。有些人是为了维持和平,表象和平,然后牺牲自己,过度委屈自己,这种孩子不会存在。

Sometimes you are not able to control and have argument with your spouse in front of the children (I did that a lot of times, shame on me), you have to settle the argument and conflict  in front of the children too. (This is tough) Provide a good role model on handling differences in thoughts to the children, and this will help the children when they grow up. They will be able to handle conflicts, and will not turn out to be a person who dare not to face conflict, who also on the run to avoid the conflicts.

父母无心客气话,小孩受创伤害大。

The example told in the show is quite common in oriental society.. a mother after dressing up her daughter for an outing, when met with a neighbour who after greeting, gave comment, “Your daughter is pretty.” The mother replied in front of the little girl, “No, she is so ugly.” This really kills the girl self esteem.

小孩该学什么才艺,要先了解小孩能力。两岁的小孩,它可能肌肉的精细程度还没有到那里,你要他去学画画,他的能力没有到那边,他会有挫折感,浇熄他学习的欲望和快乐。

What enrichment class to sign up for young children, first must understand the child’s ability and interest. Example given is like for 2 years old, if their motor skill is not ready yet, sending them to drawing class might make him feel defeated as it’s out of his ability to perform the drawing action. (Truly agree)

教养孩子应用加法,提供多样解决办法。减法教育是什么?告诉你这个不行,这个不行,那个不行。那小孩子还小,他没有办法融会贯通,举一反三,所以他被逼到角落了。加法教育就是:告诉他, 你有另外一个行为,被社会,被家庭接受的行为,可以取代,给他转移。

Instead of telling the children, this cannot do, that cannot do; try to give them other option, like telling them instead of doing so, which is wrong, you can do this. They termed is as “Addition Education” (sorry, direct translation again).

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A few points I jotted down from the show.

不管两人的意见在怎么不合, 在孩子面前永远是同一艘船。

When teaching children, even you have disagreement with the way your spouse do it, do not argue in front of the children.

E.g. You might not like your spouse spanking the children when they do something wrong. You have to wait till you two are alone then bring this up to discuss. Do not do it in front of the children.

不管两人的意见再怎么不合, 在孩子面前永远是同一艘船。

When teaching children, even you have disagreement with the way your spouse do it, do not argue in front of the children. E.g. You might not like your spouse spanking the children when they do something wrong. You have to wait till you two are alone then bring this up for discussion. Do not argue about it in front of the children.

婴儿六个月就懂得嫉妒,占有欲往往成为父母的困扰。

小孩子的嫉妒,大概是在两岁半到三岁达到巅峰。然后一直到青少年期才会比较没有。

To my surprise, baby as young as 6 months old know and show jealousy already. I believe a lot of you share the same experience I have. My princesses (especially the youngest one) will complain, interrupt when seeing  my husband and I are having a little bit of ‘our time’. The youngest one don’t even allow us to hold hands or sit together. Daddy and mummy can only hold her hand or her sister hand.

The expert from the show mentioned, the peak period for this jealousy feeling are when they are 2.5 to 3 years old, and the feeling can last till teen.

培养孩子延迟满足能力。

延迟满足能力好的小孩子,他们的成绩一直都很好。你在学校里面念书,会有很多的诱惑,明天要月考,同学约你去看戏。他可以等考完了才去。

他不会觉得那么痛苦。等长大再训练,他会觉得非常痛苦。

There is one experiment conducted on a group of children. The psychologist will leave a child in a room with a lollipop on a table. Before he leave the room, the psycho told the child not to eat the lollipop and when he is back to the room, he will give the child another lollipop, meaning the child can get two lollipop. The room is equipment with hidden camera. And during his absence, there are children who sing to distract himself/herself from the lollipop, there are also children who open up the wrapper, lick it, and wrap it back, and there are also children who don’t bother and just eat the lollipop. The first group of children are those what is tagged as having the “capability to delay satisfaction” (direct translation from 延迟满足能力). And these children are monitored until they finish are in their twenties. Those children who have  the “capability to delay satisfaction” do very well in their studies and have better pay. The analysis is that these children are able to control themselves and reject temptation. Example given is like when exam time, these children are able to reject invitation for outing and stay home to study, and go out after the exam.

How can we train that? A bad example is the parents surrender to the child request every time, even though it’s wrong. Rules must be established and the parents need to help the child follow the rules.

Yesterday watched a nice talk show about parenting. The topic for that week is: 教养孩子难,夫妻吵不完。

This talk show is from Taiwan. I watch a lot drama series from Taiwan, especially the Hokkien series like 意难忘,爱, 娘家. Familiar with some of the artists. The artists in Taiwan are very concern about their children education. In Taiwan, they have a lot of programs like Shichida, and they share the same concern about picking up English language for their children. And I heard there are Kindergarten operated using Shichida method there.

If you can access ikan.pplive.com, you can watch the talk show I mentioned online. Just click on the image to try out.

taiwantalkshow

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I placed order for some Bahasa Malaysia story books via pelangibooks.com website two weeks ago. Payment made. The children are excited and waiting impatiently for the books to arrive.

Days passed by and no news at all after two weeks. Wrote an email to them, no reply. Called them up, and they promised to send the books on the phone.

Today check the order status online, it’s still showing as “processing” instead of “shipped”.

What a lousy service from such a big, well-known publishing company in Malaysia. I don’t know how to express my disappointment.. ..

Ling was coughing quite badly and Ah Ma quite sakit hati (heart pain ;P, means concerned) seeing that.

“Ling, you are coughing. Can you stopping talking and rest for a while? ”

“Cannot Ah Ma. I love talking. I love to talk in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening and the night. .. ” ~~ [derived from the song: I love you in the morning, in the afternoon. I love you in the evening and underneath the moon.]

“Mum, are you growing everyday?”

“Yes, dear. Mum is getting older and older everyday.”

“Hah,.. oh.. mum is growing older and older and become like Ah Ma (grandma)… Then I will have two Ah Ma and no mummy already lo next time …”

“Ying, do you want to go to the zoo?”

“No, mummy.”

“Why dear?”

“The zoo got lion and tiger. Lion and tiger eat people one.”


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