Archive for the ‘About Marriage’ Category
This is a nice article (http://best.parenting.com.tw/blogger_article.php?w=537) from a single mom, sharing about her thoughts, after a conversation with her 4 years old daughter about single parent. She knew it’s hard to explain to a child, “Why there are people who don’t love my Mummy?”
“Not everyone in this world loves you.” This fact everyone knows it. But, when it really happens to us, especially the person who doesn’t love us is someone who was once or still very important to us, that pain will make us forget about this very fact in life: “Not everyone in this world loves you.”.
Once I read somewhere, you must always tell your child that you love him/her, let him/her be confident that “he/she is being loved, and he/she deserves to be loved”; so that when they grow up and if ever caught in situation of being bullied, deep down in their heart, they will always remember this feeling of being loved and therefore not easily get defeated.
Though I found it sound quite logical, but there was something non-agreeable which I was unable to tell at that time, until I saw the confused face of my little one, then only I figured out. “Letting children know they are being loved” is just at a level where we are letting others’ love to determine our self-worth. We should be stronger, we should be: “I know my own value/self-worth, and it has nothing to do with others love me or not.“
Then the writer shared about her sad experience, being dumped while she was pregnant. And during that time, she did a lot of reconcilation and reflection of her past. And she managed to figure out the below.
People change, love change. May be you are just not-loved “very innocently“, or may be not (which is something you need to think about more deeply); either way, this ‘not being loved’ incident is just another matter happened in your life. Like any other matters, where it affects you, and depending on how you see it and handle it, it change your life.
I don’t even want to just tell her, “even if someone don’t love you any more, it doesn’t reduce your value/self-worth“; but more on “if someone don’t love you, how you handle this, determine the kind of person you will change into“.
For the second year, Ling didn’t manage to get a medal for Kangaroo Math Competition like Ying did. I think it’s quite natural for her to be disappointed when she got the news. I was explaining to her it’s good enough to get an ‘Honorable Mentioned’. After wasting a fair amount of saliva, I hoped I was successful to send the message “You are good enough to take part and learn from the competition. The most important thing is you two enjoy it. Places or medals are not important.” And I think they got it. Ling seemed to be ok after the talk, and she even got the ‘ohm’ back to do her Olympiad Maths workbook.
Then, came Mr Daddy, with the comment (directed to Me), “Last time my time, I didn’t even go for any competition like that.” As if a big bowl of cold water directly pour onto my face.
The only thing I can say again, also directly to him, “Yeah, right. my Mr 阳奉阴违 husband.”
Well, that is him, just seems like supporting whatever you’ve done for your children in education, but in time of crisis, he shows his true color and non-supportive real self.
Then Ying came to ask “Mummy, what is 阳奉阴违?” hahaha.. I have to spend some time to explain that to her. Hai ya…
p.s. Girls, Mummy hopes you two keep the passion you have for Mathematics, have fun with Math. Don’t be bothered by the results of any competition. Mummy still remember the day you two came back from school with the registration forms, trying to explain to me what is Kangaroo Math and convince me to let you take part. 🙂
p.s. 2. Very long time didn’t complain about My Hubby. He is good. Just this part, if only he can be ‘really’ supportive, from his heart, in educating our children …
This is what Mummy believes.
My friend sent me a link in FB with the title: “Marriage isn’t for you”: http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/
My curiosity led me to read this nice article by Seth Adam Smith.
Marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”
Do go to the link and read the full story.
Husband and wife are just like left hand and right hand.
Left hand is tired after carrying heavy loads, no need to speak out, the right hand will take over.
Right hand is injured, no need to shout for help, left hand will lend himself to help.
If a person’s left hand is worn out, and the right hand don’t want to help,
that person must have gotten stroke or handicap.
In a marriage/ love life, if one don’t take initiative/have the heart to care for the other half,
slowly and eventually, the marriage/love life will get stroke.
p.s. Girls, Mummy hopes you two know what to look for, not someone who is handsome, rich, … but the heart, whether he can be your left hand/right hand or not.
Girls, not sure when you grow up, how’s the world like. But even for Mummy’s generation, it’s not a must to get married. Mummy likes the below sharing: