Life long sharing . . .

Archive for November 2009

Dad has been acting like a small kid ever since he fell sick and come to stay with me. At first we thought it was due to his immobility, so we let him go for the knee cap replacement surgery hoping that things will be back to normal again.

Now it’s coming to a month already after the surgery, not much improvement. Instead, he becomes more demotivated, timid, always lies on bed, and dare not do the physio exercise required to help him to walk faster. We all never know that he is so afraid of pain.

Don’t know how many times, mum argued with him, scolded him, sweet talked him, persuaded him to practise, until she gave up and cried last night, feeling too disappointed with dad.

I was so upset too. A lot of times have to hold my breath to cool myself down as I know my temper is not good. He is still our dad and being小辈, we need to show respect, talk to him in a gentle way and certainly not to confront him, obey him and try to get him what he wants.

But then, today, really beh tahan. I walked to his room, asked him whether he did the exercise or not. He said, “No, I cannot do it.” Then I started to lecture him, telling him, all this is the process he needs to undergo to recover sooner; how other who did the same surgery as him, how they do the exercise even though in pain. I even lecture him about life, have to put in effort, cannot just wait there to see thing happen by itself…

After coming out from the room, he started to work out, practised his physiotherapy exercise. And my mum was so happy.

Sigh… feel bad and guilty for lecturing him. .. It really feel bad…

Is it part of the aging process where someone you know so well will change to a totally different person, different personality, different behavior ?

Watching the two little princesses sleep soundly and I am still crunching hard my keyboard to finish up my coding.. feel so guilty, especially after reading the poem from Diana Loomans.

I really want to get my butt out of my workstation and join their tea party, go to their play-pretend restaurant, order some food from them, or help them taking care of their baby (teddy bear), join them to their bookstore…

Feel guilty for letting Ling entertained by her friends on Play House Disney most of the time,  while I am drown by tons of codes. Have not been able to flash her favourite cards,  prepare her favourite worksheets nor her favourite  art and craft activities.

Yesterday she tried to talk her father out to get some art and craft activity, but the ever blur blur dad didn’t get the hint. She was telling her dad, that when her mum got no idea for art and craft, her mum will go and click on the “No times for flash cards” in the computer, and then let her chose the stuff she wanted to do.

The dad replied, “Ya lor, no time to do flash cards, mummy is very busy at work now. Please don’t disturb mummy, ok?”

Poor Ling, walked away ‘tou dap dap’ (in cantonese, a posture when walking with head facing down, in disappointment).


“Ying, do you want to go to school?”

“No, I don’t want. ”


“You will go and nobody take me home.”

“No dear, mummy will pick up after class. Just like 姐姐. 姐姐 also go to school with you.”

“No. I want to be at home.”

“In school got a lot of friends. You say you like to have a lot of friends to play with, right?”

“No. I want to stay at home. Home is fun, a lot of fun.”

“How about Bao Bei? You like Bao Bei right?”

“No. ”


” mm … the teacher don’t let me take the flash cards.”


“mm … because I didn’t go to class ma…”


“I only like one class, Sensei class.”


“Mummy is with me in the class.”

“How about Mi Mi’s place?  You like Mi Mi’s place right?”

“No. I wait for you too long. Every time wait for you very very long. I don’t like to wait so long. I want you to fast fast come…….. I want to 陪 my family.”

I was reading this old Parent Think magazine, came across a nice article, telling a story about how an old man filled a jar with Rocks and Pebbles.

Morale of the story: “Always make sure the big rocks go in first, then you can fill the jar with a lot more. Likewise in life, there will always be room for the non-essentials, but there will not always be room for the essentials. Always give importance to the essentials first, and there will be enough room for the non-essentials.”

Similarly, putting it into parenting context, the author raised the questions like “What are we filling it with, and how are we filling it, so that the child is enabled to reach his fullest potential? Are we randomly filling the jar with whatever is urgent now? Or do we take time to decide what is important and schedule it in order?”

I must say very good questions….

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I’d finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I would care to know less and know to care more.
I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.
I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I’d do more hugging and less tugging.
I’d build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I’d teach less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.

~ Diane Loomans

Actually we heard of this wonderful vacuum cleaner few years back. Last weekend only has the chance to witness this powerful machine at work. A friend introduced a representative for this product to come over to demo to us. So coincident we are looking for a replacement for our Sharp HEPA air cleaner machine which when kaputt after 2 years.

First they did some explanation on this water based vacuum cleaner and brief comparison with the bag technology, pro and cons; and then it is action time. It clean the floor, clean the curtain, clean our tv set. Then the most amazing part came, it clean our mattress.

It was a bit horrible for me to see how the colour of the water changed to brownie, and seeing those dirt (dust mites and it’s output) floating on top of the water. 

Can’t imagine my girls breathing all these every night and no wonder they always have allergic cough.

We did the cleaning for my dad room. He was so impressed and commented, “Last time I used to feel there are sand-like things on my bed, but no matter how I try, I cannot pick it up. Now, they are all gone and the bed is so smooth now.”

Check out this from eBay about the vacuum cleaner.  Leave me your contact if you are in Malaysia and are interested, I can get the representative to do a demo for you and I can get some free gifts as well 😛

Went back to  my parents in law’s place. The children were having fun. The adults were having a nice chit chat as well.

My mother in law said,

“Do you all donate to those needy people in newspaper?”

“You must. Make it a habit to at least make it once a year.”

“The amount is not important. 30, 50, any amount that you can afford. You have cheque book. It’s quite easy to do it. Just write the cheque and mail it out. ”

“We are fortunate that we are still have a job and have earning. So we should make an effort to help those that are not so fortunate as us, those who are sick, need money to get medical aid. We should help them. ”

“This also make a good role model for your children.”

Went to this book fair. Got a few good bargain books and vcd. In PelangiBooks stores, they have story books as cheap as 50 cents. Also another book store, they are selling those workbooks @RM1 each – while stock last. There are a few book stores from China where I bought some nice 绘本with stories originated from Japan, German, Australia, Sweden, @discounted rate.

I find some new things compare to last book fairs: seems like there are a lot more bilingual stories books for young reader (English and Chinese) , a lot of it have big wording, nice pictures, simple and interesting stories. I have to keep telling myself, I must control my budget.. too tempting already.  And also, I find a lot more educational comic books (suitable for school children) as compare to last time, and to my surprise, I saw a lot of these comics translated from Korea and Japan (some are best seller).  … another temptation .. I have to tell myself, wait till the girls are old enough and bring them to choose for themselves.

Also there are famous educational VCDs selling @buy 2 free 1. I saw the Wriggles in the rack as well. I bought 3 Magic School Bus, a science series for children. I have yet to find out whether my girls like it or not. This series are introduced by a wonderful dad I get to know online.

And there are book stores for religious books. I got 2 free education Buddhist CD for children from the Singapore Jen Chen Buddhist Books Publisher. I hope the girls will love it too.

In short: GO GO GO …. MUST GO 🙂

One of the Bao Bei’s teacher shared with me that during flash card session, they mainly focusing on flashing the cards and pronouncing the word accurately; no explanation of the word, where it’s used. The explanation comes later, and definitely not during the flash card session. Based on their experience, example given, if they show the card ‘书’ and teach by saying ‘书’, ‘书包的书’, the children tends to link(remember) the word to ‘书包’ instead of just the character ‘书’. When they are shown the word card, they tend to answer it’s  ‘书包’ instead of the single word ‘书’.

This is the same technique taught in my reading center last time. The franchiser also shared with me, when teaching new words, just flash, repeat, and say it loud and clear only. Explanation session should come separately later when going through the textbook, reading the paragraph made of the words.

So, after all, they are the same findings from two different reading schools 🙂

p.s. In Heguru, they arrange the Chinese flash card in another way. E.g. the flash in the following sequence:






  • Sadness  
  • Fatigue   √  (lie on bed most of the time)
  • Abandoning or losing interest in hobbies or other pleasurable pastimes   √ (not even his favourite show)
  • Social withdrawal and isolation (reluctance to be with friends, engage in activities, or leave home)   √ (reluctant to leave home, except go to hospital)
  • Weight loss; loss of appetite   √ (all food taste so badly and no appetite)
  • Sleep disturbances (difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, oversleeping, or daytime sleepiness)   √ (though we see him doze off and snoring aloud, he still claims that he cannot sleep at all)
  • Loss of self-worth (worries about being a burden, feelings of worthlessness, self-loathing)   √ (very)
  • Increased use of alcohol or other drugs   Χ (not really, no alcohol, but new medicine(antibiotic and painkiller) to take after the surgery. Can it be drug? But he finished them already)
  • Fixation on death; suicidal thoughts or attempts   √ (the first one)


Oh dear …



November 2009

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