Life long sharing . . .

Archive for the ‘About Aging’ Category

Learnt this Irish Sayings when watching a Taiwan Talk Show on Astro. How true.

A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life.

Irish wisdom.

Vs the Chinese Sayings,

嫁出去的女儿,泼出去的水 – A married daughter is just like water that has been poured—she doesn’t belong to her parents any more.

(well, Chinese is ‘famous’ for ‘heavy man light woman’ (重男轻女))

For my family, the former is true, even before taking his wife.

Only on the fourteenth day after my Mum did the operation, my married brother in Kangaroo Land called her up. She told us he has not been calling for 3 weeks. So no call before the day for operation, no call on the day of operation, and no call after the day of operation….

My eldest sis said, at least not the worst, he still contributes to the fee.

Some 秘方my mother and also father in law are taking now. Read it from Sin Chew long time ago.

At night, before sleep, get a ladyfinger ( get two if small one).

Wash and cut into pieces. Put in a mug. Then pour in hot water. Cover the mug and leave it till the next morning.

Drink the water in the mug only the next morning. (No need to eat the ladyfinger … something I am dreadful of… though have to ‘telan’ (swallow) when eating with my children to show mummy is not picky)

Do this everyday. My mum who has arthritis feels much much better after taking it for 2 weeks, no more painful and cramping leg at night. And we find her can walk around better.

My father in law who has just started it, shared that his diabetes level drop, shows lot improvement. (He takes his diabetes reading daily).

Well, I think it’s something natural, though I don’t have scientific proof, but I think can give it a try.


Thanks to , who share the article from Sin Chew Jit Pao newspaper , and highlighted that instead of using hot water, put in room temperature boiled water.
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This is a series of pictures about filial piety I got from the net. Very meaningful. Something I use to remind myself when I am losing my temper and running out of patient.  … and be more forgiving …

When you were still small …

They spent a lot of time teaching you how to  use the spoon, the chopsticks, to eat things …

teaching you to wear your clothes, tie your shoe laces and button your buttons …

teaching you how to wash your face, teaching you how to come your hair …

teaching you to be a good person …

therefore …

when one day, they are old …

when they cannot remember, or cannot converse properly …

please do not blame them …

when they start to forget how to button and tie their shoe laces …

when they start to dirty their clothes when eating …

when they comb their hair, and their hands start to shake …

please do not rush tehm …

as you are growing up slowly,  and they are getting older slowly …

as long as you are in front of them …

then their heart will be warm …

if one day, they cannot stand steadily, cannot walk any more …

when that day comes, please hold their hands tight,  and walk slowly with them …

just like …

…  last time when they hold yours …

Sharing my worry about my mum aging with my hubby.

“Ai ya, every old people is like that one. Don’t say her, me also quite forgetful nowadays.” he commented.

“But but she acted like she never said it before, never happened before.”

“Ai ya, me also like that.” he laughed ” There were times where my mind was totally blank that I did say something or do something before.”

“Don’t worry, I am also like that. You worry too much la…”

Ai ya ya… am I?


Last night called up mum to clarify something she told me before.

To my surprise, she answered to me that she never spoke of such thing.

… … immediately I felt I was a bit like … sinking …

I continued the telephone conversation chit-chatting about something else, other topics, and her favourite flowers etc before we bid each other good night.


This is not the first time she is acting like that. It’s not just forgetting, but to her, it never happened before. I am worry, I am suspecting, .. and now I am a bit not sure what to do.

I know really well that though they are getting older, they still want to protect their freedom, to stay at the place they like, to do the things the way they want. .. I was once struggling hard, don’t they know that it’s for the best of them to be here , where they will be well taken care of… but then, things happened, and it made me realized, they just want to get old with dignity, in their old home-sweet-home, passing time without needing to bother about what time is it now….

Just like before Chinese New Year, went back and help clean up a bit. We know that there is a barrier there, where we cannot throw anything, no matter how bad the condition it is, we just cannot touch it. The most is use a clean cloth, wipe it, and put back the same place. Else, another round of scolding.

Life is tough and full of conflicts … Guess this is the lesson coming soon to my door steps again…

Read the below article from 星洲日報 yesterday.

Very interesting.I believe the same is happening to the society here as well.

More and more young people working and building a new life in cities, now only left the old ones back in Kampung.

And with the high living cost, the inflation, price raise in every area, food, house, education, medical fees, .. it is a tough life out there especially for those married couples with kids and parents to take care of.

Furthermore, nowadays, the younger generation are less and less filial (actually what I want to say is 孝顺, but can’t find a word in English that carry the exact same meaning). I heard cases from friends and relatives, where the young people think it’s the parents’ duty to bring up them, provide them everything, to serve them since they are the one brought them to this world. BUT they don’t have any obligation to take care of the them when they are old. Some of them overs their thirties, graduated from college or university, but choose to stay home, play computer games, don’t want to look for a job, and still ask for pocket money from parents… 心寒 isn’t it.

I am Buddhist. If not because of parents who has the right 缘 with the children, the children cannot come to this world to experience the life as a human being, to have the chance to get to know Buddhist and to become 佛.

In short, it’s a good chance given for a person to choose what to do in this world with his/her own life. Do bad or do good, I always tell the girls, 南无阿弥陀佛 knows.

Sad to see this world being invaded by more and more cold blood human being. Yes, to prepare for old age and good retirement, now, we need to have the 5 “old” :

– old house 老房

– old partner 老伴

– old friend 老友

– old money 老本

– old body 老体

Had a nice chat with my housekeeper Connie, actually I respect her a lot. Luckily she is with us and she has given me a lot of valuable advice in raising kids, health, relationship, family, gardening (things we like a lot) generally anything about life.

Dad and mum is back to home town and everything is back to normal. Dad can eat and sit longer back there. A totally different person as compare to here. My hubby’s description: 生龙活虎.

Connie was telling me that you can see how different my mum’s look whenever my mum can make a trip home, totally 容光焕发.

I guess she is right, one Cantonese saying, “龙床不如狗窦”.

Now that I recalled, how they complaint about how terrible the food here, and every meal was a headache; why dad did not want to get down from his bed and chosen to sleep, … I guess Connie is right. They just don’t want to be here.  That is not their will to be here, therefore, things are tough for them. And tough for me too, as I need to juggle my time for them as well as taking care of my routing life here. There were bitter moment when I questioned myself why dad and mum changed so drastically, many times I asked myself why can’t they be more understanding in situation where I was not able to handle.

All turned out to be too stressful for everyone towards the end.

Luckily my sister and hubby give fullest supports and advice to let them make a trip home, though I worried to death whether they can take care of themselves alone there or not. The most accurate decision made.

Well, a month passed, and it turns out I am just over-worried. All those weird behavior are just their gasture that they don’t want to be here. It went ‘pooh’, disappear by the time they reached home town.

Connie is right, “When people gets old, they will changed and their behavior will be 越来越可爱”.

“When you are at their age, you will understand. And probably you will react the same.  Want to stick to you home sweet home. It’s different to stay with daughters, even though you have been spending most of your time with them. It’s different then. And with a son-in-law, they will feel awkward, not at ease. ”

I wish I was more prepared before this. Thanks Connie.

Dad has been acting like a small kid ever since he fell sick and come to stay with me. At first we thought it was due to his immobility, so we let him go for the knee cap replacement surgery hoping that things will be back to normal again.

Now it’s coming to a month already after the surgery, not much improvement. Instead, he becomes more demotivated, timid, always lies on bed, and dare not do the physio exercise required to help him to walk faster. We all never know that he is so afraid of pain.

Don’t know how many times, mum argued with him, scolded him, sweet talked him, persuaded him to practise, until she gave up and cried last night, feeling too disappointed with dad.

I was so upset too. A lot of times have to hold my breath to cool myself down as I know my temper is not good. He is still our dad and being小辈, we need to show respect, talk to him in a gentle way and certainly not to confront him, obey him and try to get him what he wants.

But then, today, really beh tahan. I walked to his room, asked him whether he did the exercise or not. He said, “No, I cannot do it.” Then I started to lecture him, telling him, all this is the process he needs to undergo to recover sooner; how other who did the same surgery as him, how they do the exercise even though in pain. I even lecture him about life, have to put in effort, cannot just wait there to see thing happen by itself…

After coming out from the room, he started to work out, practised his physiotherapy exercise. And my mum was so happy.

Sigh… feel bad and guilty for lecturing him. .. It really feel bad…

Is it part of the aging process where someone you know so well will change to a totally different person, different personality, different behavior ?


  • Sadness  
  • Fatigue   √  (lie on bed most of the time)
  • Abandoning or losing interest in hobbies or other pleasurable pastimes   √ (not even his favourite show)
  • Social withdrawal and isolation (reluctance to be with friends, engage in activities, or leave home)   √ (reluctant to leave home, except go to hospital)
  • Weight loss; loss of appetite   √ (all food taste so badly and no appetite)
  • Sleep disturbances (difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, oversleeping, or daytime sleepiness)   √ (though we see him doze off and snoring aloud, he still claims that he cannot sleep at all)
  • Loss of self-worth (worries about being a burden, feelings of worthlessness, self-loathing)   √ (very)
  • Increased use of alcohol or other drugs   Χ (not really, no alcohol, but new medicine(antibiotic and painkiller) to take after the surgery. Can it be drug? But he finished them already)
  • Fixation on death; suicidal thoughts or attempts   √ (the first one)


Oh dear …


“Dad, you need to try to push harder. The physiotherapist said it will help to make sure your legs be straight enough.”

“I don’t want. It’s killing me. It’s too much. I cannot take it. Let it be. I won’t need walking legs as I won’t be living for too long.”

… speechless

“Uncle, you balik rumah kena buat exercise. Kalau tidak, nanti tak dapat jalan, sayang oh. Money sudah spent dan knee cap sudah tukar. OK, uncle?” said the physiotherapist.
“Tak boleh jalan tak boleh jalan la.”

… speechless

“I feel my arm is very painful. Something must be really wrong with me.”
“Of course, cause now you are using your arms to support when walking. You have to try to stand straight when you walk and push your body weight to the leg.” said the physiotherapist.

“My stomach is very ‘windy’ and burb a lot. Something must be very wrong with me.”
“Ya, some people have same symptom after taking the pain killer and antibiotic. The medicine is a bit strong to those who have sensitive stomach. It’s going to be alright. Don’t worry.” said the doctor.

“I have been giving trouble only and burden all my children. Should have stay back and wait for my time to be surmoned by Him.”
… lagi speechless.

I hope there are something, some words, some booster jab that can pull my dad to overcome all these. Have to act very cool. Think before speak, make sure only positive words are uttered.
Now I am stressed….

Girls, when mummy is old and if ever mummy act like this, show mummy this blog. Hopefully mummy can pull myself out of the shadow.

Dad, 加油!


August 2020

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