Posts Tagged ‘梁旅珠教养书’
It really depends on how we parents view the school work, the study and education.
“Don’t use exam result to determine how many extra exercise books our children need, or which tuition to take, BUT use the result to examine our children’s studying attitude, capability and the return of their efforts. For example, always fail in Math; we have to figure out whether it’s because they didn’t work hard enough, or even though working very hard, still no improvement; then we have to find solution for it.
Treat it as an experience of failure, as difficulty which is hard to overcome; then start find ways to handle and conquer it; this is the practice/training I am looking for.
What make me worried more, is not the children didn’t do well in exam, but not being self-demanding and don’t have problem solving skill.”
Madam Liang clarified that this is not to say ‘to go after No. 1’, nor ‘go after the scores or ranking’, which both also wrongly amplify the importance of exam result.
We as a parent, must be clear that there is a limit for our children’s capability, therefore, we should encourage them to go after their best performance, within their limit.
“Racing with oneself” – this idea should be taught since young; let the child know that the exam result is for one own assessment, NOT to go after the ranking. Yes, ranking can help us to gauge where we stand among our peers, BUT, as long as it is matching with where we should be based on our own performance, that is good; and exceeding that will be a bonus.
What I taught my children, cannot use you don’t like to study as an excuse not to try, but after you have tried your best and still not good in it, that is acceptable, and must take it and deal with it with open heart.
I hope this attitude/thinking will carry on until they are working in future, because no adult can always choose to do just what they like to do.
“When a child just entered primary school, this is the most crucial period to help them set up the right studying/learning attitude. For the first two years, whether they were doing their homework or preparing for exam, I would work together with them for every details: assess/review, discuss, figure out ways to improve, and then encourage them to continue pursue better performance.
Through this process, I let my children know, in my heart, what is called ‘try you best’. When they are used to it, this will become the basis when they set their own expectation/self-demand.”
When they were in Standard 1 and 2, every night after dinner, I would be at the children’s room, going through their message book and homework list together. I would guide them on how to plan their homework, which one to do first, and how to estimate how much time left for them to do other things like practise their piano, leisure reading or other enrichment class homework such as English.
I would ask them to start with the most difficult homework first, when their mind were fresher then. Only work on those that were easier such as art project subsequently, always putting those at the back.
Nowadays children are quite busy with extra co-curriculum. For enrichment class homework, I would ask them to plan it ‘weekly’, and arrange it in the free time slot after school homework.
This will give them a good understanding of how to organize their time, after a while, they should be able to pick this up and plan their own time for homework, co-curriculum/enrichment and also rest & relaxation.”
I would sit with them, accompany them doing their homework, studying; coach them do revision, checking; make sure the plan for everyday was executed. When they had problem, I would lend my hands immediately, for example help to look up in dictionary etc.
The main purpose of accompanying them, beside doing the above activities repetitively in a long run to make it a habit for them, is to train and teach them on how to concentrate and control their time. I didn’t want to see them playing while doing their homework. I tried to help putting some restriction/control so that they could focus and finish their work. They played during the rest time.”
“When the children were in high school, their father and I were only be responsible for giving advice, the final decision, the children need to make the call.”
“As long as the children believe you were always looking after their benefit or betterment, thinking for them, when parents give suggestion, even the suggestion might not be of their liking, they would still take it for serious consideration before making decision.”
“Actually the bigger the child, they are more rational. So when teaching them, as long as you can give a convincing reason, most of the time, these big children are able to accept their parents’ view as input. What must be avoided most is dealing with teenagers by force, any little things also say, “I am you father (mother), you must listen to me!” And when the children are able to challenge back in a hard way too, then the parents-child relationship will get worse. It will become more difficult to educate them in future.”
“I used to joke with my friends, raising a child, when young, we can use body strength; when they grow up, we need to use eloquence and our brain power. If we are not good at both, to prevent the children from misunderstanding the parents ‘throw temper’ because the parents didn’t have a good reason, we should calm down, after thinking through then only decide, whether to communicate with them by writing a note, a letter or any other ways.”
“BUT if the child’s point of view is more reasonable than ours, then we must accept; if we do wrong, say something wrongly, we also need to apologize to the child.”
“Some friends asked me, why my children didn’t go through the rebellious stage when they didn’t bother to listen to what their parents said, and sometimes even ended up in quarrel when they had disagreement. Why my children seemed to be willing to discuss with parents and accept our suggesting?
I think it’s because we have built the mutual trust between us. I can trust my children that I do not need to be long winded, nagging and scolding them again and again for a matter; and they can trust us that our suggestion are worth thinking and good references.
This kind of ‘mutual trust’ needs to be cultivated since young.
Children below standard 2 or 3, it’s easier for parents to get them follow the instruction by adopting a ‘strong’ attitude; but as the children grow, this method won’t work.”
“When my children were young, I was very strict on them. I have taught them to pay attention and listen to parents’ advice and teachings, making it a habit to them. I have been ‘hand heavy mouth light’ (ee.. direct translation, which means don’t scold or nag too much, but punish according), I didn’t nag. If my children didn’t respect my order, I won’t just keep on scolding but allow them to do it again and again.
BUT I also worked very hard to make sure my order or what I wanted from them, had been thoroughly thought of, avoid any emotional. Therefore, it didn’t take long for the children to understand what we asked for was sensible and rational, or what we suggested did give good result.”
Another chapter I like is this one. Especially this idea that Madam Liang shared: “I want to let my children know that I am prepared for their growing up.” I have been looking at these two pages, and really don’t know how to make it shorter. So, putting both pages here.
On the first page, Madam Liang shared one experience she had with her daughter.
“When my daughter was in her primary school, so coincidently we watched the news on TV, about a group of secondary school teenagers who go after star. They queued up to get the concert tickets, at night, with sleeping bags. Ya, they prepared to sleep over night out on the street. And their mothers have to send ‘bento’ (food) for them.
I kind of joked with my daughter, “After you are in secondary school and crazy for some idols, must remember, I am not that kind of mother oo.. (who will go deliver food). If you do such thing, I wouldn’t be bothered even if you’re starved for 3 days.”
My daughter immediately rolled eye and replied, “I won’t do such a nonsense thing,”
I laughed and said, “Good ! We shall see. ”
When she entered secondary school, out of peer influence, she started to like some Japanese band, and later even hooked on heavy metal rock.
I respect her freedom to choose her interest and hobbies, I didn’t limit her from buying CDs, posters, or magazines. But because both of us still remember the conversation we had, or may be because of dignity, she was quite self-controlled and behaved well. Never had incident like chasing after stars nor queuing up for concert tickets.”
When you scold a child on his/her bad habit or things they are doing, sometimes it’s quite hard for them to accept our critics with open heart. But what I’ve discovered is, to discuss with them, what kind of mistake or wrongdoing that their next stage ‘seniors’ might do, they are not so resistance. Therefore, when a child is 10 years old, if there is news on issues or problems faced by teenagers in 12,13 years old on TV, I will discuss with them together.
Through this way, I can let my children know, I am prepared for their growing up. I can let them know, I have thought of a lot of things, and not wait for things to happen and being chaotic to handle.
And they will witness also that what their parents say is for real and things do come true as predicted; and they will also realise that what they have considered before is not thorough enough.
May be some might say, things haven’t happened yet, will the children understand and can remember ?
What I feel is, if wait for things to happen then only start to think and look for solution, both parties might be caught in conflicts and suffer. Sure, we shouldn’t talk about something too far away, normally the next stage of their life is just nice, which not too far for the children to imagine. But then, I would not let myself be so tensed up just to keep on reminding/nagging them everyday; instead, most of the conversation or discussion happened as and when opportunity arise, unplanned and not to be seen as on purpose.”
and at that time, Madam Liang’s children were just 1 and 2 years old. After finished chasing/watching this drama series, she had decided that no more drama for herself.
Here is what she shared:
“When young, children learn by observing and imitating what others do, and from there, they build up their own character and personality. Therefore, who are their role model is very important. As a mother, being cautious about what we do and say, and being careful when selecting the activities we do, are ways to help us become a good role model.
I wish my children know that, whatever I ask them to do, it is doable and I can do it also.”
“I was asked frequently, ‘How do you do it? How do you teach your children to be so into reading?’
Even until now, in the bag I carry along whenever I go out, there is always a book inside, or some materials related to my writing, so that I can read it whenever I have free slot.
I think, a lot of things doesn’t need to be ‘taught’, children see it in their eyes, and naturally becomes a habit. This kind of influence, is more direct and powerful than teaching by speech.”